Seven Trials
by cinithea
Summary: Sheppard and McKay are imprisoned and sentenced to undergo the Seven Trials. Rated 'M' for scenes of torture and a few bad words. Added one more chapter- slashy ending.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I appreciate feedback of all kinds- if you really hate it, just be polite. I have to say, the more I read through and edit my stories, the more I think I might have a really dark place in my mind- but I know some of you enjoy that. :) _

_more A/N: There will be part of the story towards the end that you may not like. I just ask that before you get worried, read the ending._

_Takes place sometime early in Season Four._

* * *

"Off-world activation!" Chuck yelled. None of the teams were scheduled to dial for at least three hours.

Samantha Carter came to stand behind him. "IDC?"

"No, not- wait, yes!" Chuck looked up at her. They looked at the screen. Sheppard's team.

Both knew that wasn't good. It never was when Sheppard's team dialed early. Or late. Either usually meant trouble. She sighed, thinking she owed both General Hammond and General Landry at least a drink and a sincere apology. It was one of the most terrible feelings in the world to stay here and do paperwork while her people were off-world and she had no way to know what was going on.

"Lower the shield."

Teyla and Ronon came through the gate, covered in sand. They were both gasping and Sam felt her eyebrows raise. She couldn't remember seeing either of them ever so winded.

"Teyla, Ronon?" Seeing the looks from the people in the room, she knew they were worried. They all held a certain amount of superstitious awe for their resident miracle workers. When this team was in trouble, it seemed as if the very air of Atlantis herself became thick with anxiety and fear.

"Where's the rest of your team?" Sam felt her stomach curdle at the look on Teyla's face. "Wait, do you need medical attention? OK, then let's do this in my office." Once they filed through the door, she turned to them. "Now, tell me what happened."

"John and Rodney are still on the planet, they are prisoners of the local council." Teyla's shoulders slumped. "We will not be able to attempt a rescue until the sand storms are over. Rodney told us that there is a magnetic field that becomes unstable when the weather is extreme. He said the jumpers would crash upon exiting the gate."

Ronon added, "The storms last for days."

"So we should send a MALP through and keep checking the weather." Sam radioed Chuck and let him know. "You said they were taken prisoner?"

"They have been taken to the Mountain of Tears to take part in the Seven Trials."

Feeling her eyebrows climb, she was afraid of the answer as she asked, "What is the 'Mountain of Tears'?" How did this team manage to find all the crazies in the galaxy? God, they were worse than SG-1.

"The Mountain of Tears is where they hold trials and keep prisoners. It is also where they perform their ritual of the Seven Trials." Teyla's eyes were grave. "Apparently when he offended the head elder-"

"Rodney offended their leader?"

"Not McKay, Sheppard." Ronon snorted. "Told the elder that he was lucky to have such beautiful daughters. He was doing that thing that always makes McKay call him Kirk. We didn't know you were supposed to pretend they weren't there."

"Yes, and the Colonel was grabbed by soldiers and injured when he resisted. Rodney attempted to convince the elder that the Colonel was not at fault and that he should not have to endure such trials while already hurt." Teyla finished slowly.

Ronon snorted. "No, he told them Sheppard was an idiot and couldn't be held responsible for his actions."

Sam blinked. Yes, that sounded like Rodney. "So they took Rodney with them, too?"

Teyla and Ronon shared a look. "Rodney was quite vocal in his...defense of Colonel Sheppard."

"He was stupid." At the women's looks, he shrugged. "He's not made for this kind of stuff. Now we have two men captured."

"I thought it was very brave of him. The elders compromised. They allowed that the trials be shared, rather than forcing Colonel Sheppard to suffer alone."

"What was the Colonel's injury?" Sam was trying remember to ask all the important things, but couldn't seem to keep her mind focused. Now she understood why General Hammond had sometimes been so frustrated that looked like he was going to go up in a puff of steam.

"Twisted his knee." Ronon lifted a shoulder. "He's had worse."

Sam opened her mouth once at the seemingly callous dismissal of his team leader's injury. Then she remembered reading the files. Oh, yes, Sheppard definitely had had worse. And for a Runner, a twisted knee was probably akin to banging your shin on a chair leg. "So what kind of things are they going to have to do?"

"We were only told that there were seven tests. Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, Blood, Flesh and Heart." Teyla met her stare. "I think these trials will not be easy."

Sam wanted to kick something. She had a feeling that the tests were not going to be something mental puzzle or metaphysical riddle. And if it was a physical kind of test, things didn't look good for the two friends. Rodney wasn't in the best shape, regardless of his off-world missions and his mandatory physicals. And if Sheppard was injured... No, things didn't look good.

Sam called for Major Lorne. They would have to mount a rescue mission as soon as the weather cleared enough to send a jumper. And when it did, they wouldn't be wasting time.

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"You just had to flirt! I can't believe this. No, I absolutely can." Rodney paced the very cramped cell. Five steps in each direction. He waved his arms, and pointed. "It has to be something psychological. Maybe you're a sex addict? Or you just like the thrill of chasing women. Well, what is it?"

Sheppard winced. His head was pounding, and watching Rodney was making him dizzy. "I'm not a sex addict. And, hey, this weird thing you have about me and sex? I'm kind of creeped out by how often you bring it up."

"What? Why?" Rodney frowned. "Anyway, as I was saying, it's finally happened. Your inability to think with your brain has killed us."

John scowled. "We're not dead yet! And hey, I didn't ask you to stay. As a matter of fact, I ordered you to _shut up and leave_."

"Canadian. Also, not in your military." Rodney smirked. "You wouldn't last a day without me here. You can't even stand up."

"I can stand. If I have to." He wasn't sure, but he thought his knee was totally torn up. It would be bad if they didn't have the Ancient tech to fix it. At least he hoped it could fix it. It was bad enough to get him a medical discharge and a one way ticket back to Earth.

"So, back to what I was saying."

"Is there point to what you're saying?" John wished he had a big old bottle of something. Even ibuprofen would be fine.

"Yes, of course. There is always a point to everything I say. Are you sure you don't have a concussion?" Rodney blinked at him.

"OK, it was my fault. I'm to blame. We can deal with that when we get out of here. Why don't you focus on that?"

"I've been thinking about it. Aside from the terrible weather outside, your lack of direction would be a severe impediment. We're in a maze. We were blindfolded the whole time. Then there is the fact that you won't be able to run. And... There is no way out." Rodney abruptly stopped his pacing and sat next to John. "It's a room that's been hollowed out of a rock mountain. Besides, you can't walk."

John gritted his teeth, wondering yet again how he managed to tolerate the physicist. "I can walk if I have to."

"No you can't. Not without someone to hold you up or carry you, and forgive me for saying so, but you aren't as light as you look."

"Yes, I can!"

"Please. There is no way your knee could stand the strain of standing, let alone running for our lives."

Knowing he was going to regret it because it was a bad idea and wondering how Rodney managed to make him do these things, he used the wall for balance. He stood up and made a very small attempt to set his foot on the floor. He groaned, yelped and nearly passed out from the pain. Collapsing back to the ground, he said, "I hate you."

"No, you don't. You hate that I'm nearly always right." Rodney smiled.

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They came for them about two hours later. Rodney shoved his shoulder under John's arm, muttering about stupid Air Force Colonels who were trying to have a girl on every planet.

The natives were silent and solemn. Rodney tried again to convince them that they were sorry, Sheppard was mentally deficient, that they could still be trade partners. He would take the man home. They had doctors that could help him. The only sign that their guards heard him was the aggravated sigh from the older one.

They were taken to a large cavern. Torches blazed, casting dancing shadows on the copper walls. Every inch of the walls were decorated in strange swirls and colors. Weirdly, it made Rodney think of rainbow sherbet. Which reminded him...

"Hey, I'm really hungry. How do you expect me to function if you starve me? I have a delicate medical condition which requires that I eat at least every four hours. If I don't eat, I will fall into a coma and die." Rodney felt Sheppard's shoulders shaking. "And my friend? Do you see him? Does he really look like he can afford to miss any meals?"

"Hey! I'm not underweight, I'm... lean."

"Whatever. So when are you going to feed us? Oh, and I can't eat citrus. I'm deathly allergic to- Ooof!" He closed his mouth. Never let it be said that Rodney McKay couldn't take a hint.

The guards stripped them to their underwear, even taking their boots. Rodney was not surprised to see that Sheppard was a brief wearing man, while he himself went with boxers. Of course, Sheppard's were black. Rodney curled his lip at the other man when he snickered, "I didn't know you liked teddy bears."

"Shut up! What's wrong with them? They were a gift from Jeannie. And I didn't have anything else clean. And is this really important right now?" Nothing more was said as they were led to a small depression in the floor. It was only large enough to hold five or so men, but only the Lanteans were shoved in. Noticing the small holes, he figured they were drainage. Wouldn't want a pool of blood stinking up the place, would we now?

His attention was caught by a figure wearing a golden robe climbing to a center dais. A hood covered his head, casting his face into shadow. He raised his hands and began to speak.

"A grave insult has been given the Elder House. The Elder has decreed that the guilty party be tested by the Seven Trials. The criminal is to be tested with his brother. They shall share the burden of the Trials equally. They must both survive to be freed. If one fails, so does the other. Death is the sentence for failure."


	2. Chapter 2

"Anything?" Sam clasped her hands in front of her body.

"No, still nothing but sand and wind. The wind velocity is at least 120 miles per hour. Add in the sand... There's no way to safely send in a team yet." Radek clearly wasn't pleased. He was friends with Rodney- and she still had trouble wrapping her mind around the fact that Rodney had any friends, let alone so many.

"Thank you Radek. Let me know if anything changes."

Going back into her office, she wished again that Atlantis wasn't so isolated. It would be nice to pick up a phone and call Jack. She had the absurd urge to run to her quarters and cuddle with the framed photo of him she'd brought.

She wasn't really surprised that she didn't like it here. It wasn't that she disliked it, exactly, but it wasn't a place that she could be happy. It was an assignment. Daniel would have been better suited to this than she was. She wasn't the diplomat he was. Nor was she really good at sitting and letting others do. She wanted to do. And then there was the fact that she really had no close friends here. She couldn't be close with most of them, due to her position. It was lonely.

She didn't have time to do science, so she wasn't learning anything- except that requisition forms had to be sent in triplicate. She didn't belong here. She knew she missed being the top authority on, well, all things alien technology. Here, she was an administrator. This was Rodney McKay's sandbox and she was the kid that his mom forced him to share with.

She wondered how much everything had changed back on Earth. What was everyone doing right now, at this moment? Deciding she was getting depressed, Sam grabbed her papers and went to the mess hall.

She saw Dr. Keller sitting with several other scientists, chatting and laughing, even as a small frown of anxiety rested on the physician's brow. Major Lorne and some other marines sat at a nearby table, eating in silence. There was an air of tension, of waiting. Waiting for friends to come home. And ultimately, there was nothing anyone could do but wait. She felt worse than she had before.

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The natives began chanting. At first Rodney was more concerned with keeping Sheppard balanced, but his attention was caught. "Trial by Fire shall show Purity of Intention. Bring forth the fire."

Rodney twisted his neck, looking for a pit of fire. His mind conjured a giant inferno with both Sheppard and himself on a spit, roasting and screaming. He was somewhat reassured by a man in a blue robe coming to stand before them. It didn't last long.

"Oh, no, no. Sheppard, you are such an asshole!" Rodney could see what the man was holding. It was a brand. He wanted to run, but knew if he did, they'd both be dead. He sucked in a breath.

"Why am I an asshole?"

"Because we're going to be branded like, like cattle! And I don't know...it just seemed to be the thing to say. I didn't mean it."

Sheppard squeezed his arm. "I really hope Teyla and Ronon are on their way with lots of backup."

"Oh, god, this is going to hurt. You know how I am with pain." Rodney started to pant. "It's fine for you, but-"

"What? How is if fine for me?"

"You know, you're all Mr.-Stoic-and-Made of Steel-Hero man. I'm not."

"Uh, thanks? And not."

They were pushed to their knees. The man holding the brands began to hum. Two guards held them in a down by their shoulders. The robed man spoke and pointed to the colonel. "This man has evil in his heart. His lack of control, his selfish desires cause pain to others. He shall endure the Trial of Fire." The glowing red tip of the brand was pressed to Sheppard's chest, above his heart. Rodney could hear him grunting with the effort of holding back a scream. He could feel the man's body shaking with pain. The smell of burning flesh and singed hair hit his nose and he had to turn his head or puke.

When the hissing stopped, he risked a glance. Sheppard's head hung, nearly touching his heaving chest. God, that must hurt. Rodney began to tremble as he anticipated his turn. He closed his eyes and forced his breathing to slow. Hyperventilating right now was not a good idea.

"This man's evil resides in his mind. He tries to bend others to his will using logic and words. He lies to further the devious ends of his brother. He shall endure the Trial of Fire." Rodney's eyes were wide as he realized they weren't going to brand him on his chest. He felt hands holding his head still and closed his eyes. He felt the heat just seconds before it was pressed to the side of his face. It was beyond anything he'd ever imagined. It was worse than being shot, or having an arrow stuck in his ass. It was so painful, he didn't think he could even breath. He felt the tears stream from his eyes. He screamed.

John shook with the pain. Through the roaring in his ears, he could hear Rodney scream as if from far away. He wanted to curl up and cry. He couldn't imagine how much agony Rodney must be in. The man was so careful with his skin, he wore that gawd-awful sunscreen that really reeked. He looked at his team-mate. The brand was red and weeping, already swollen. He could see that it was in the shape of an Ancient symbol. Rodney's skin glistened with sweat, and he was breathing harshly.

"McKay. Rodney. You need to get past it. Breathe and focus on something else." John blew out a breath. "Don't lose it."

"Yes, right. Forget the horrible burns. Forget that I'm going to die from the pain." Rodney's words were at odds with his body, though. He had stiffened his spine and lifted his chin in the oh-so-Rodney way.

The man in the golden robe proclaimed, "They have passed the first Trial. They have allowed the fire to burn away their evil. They will now submit to Trial of Water." He nodded, and several men arrived carrying a large tub of water. "These men must be made clean. Water is pure and sustains life. Let them be cleansed."

"Hey, maybe they're gonna give us a bath. And a drink." Sheppard teased.

Rodney looked at him in horror. "Do you see the nasty film on the water? God only knows what it is, do you really want to drink that?"

"Uh, no? We're not that desperate yet."

The two robed men dragged them over to the tub. They were forced to kneel by it. John looked down and saw marks where countless fingernails had dug into the wood. Both men could imagine, especially right now, exactly why they'd done it.

"Great, just what I've always wanted. I drown in the alternate time line, Koyla was going to throw me into the ocean, I almost drown in the puddle jumper, and now I have the opportunity to drown on some planet populated by prehistoric morons."

"Uh, I doubt they want to actually drown us, seeing as we have five more of these things to do." Sheppard was trying to be optimistic, but it fell flat.

"Did you miss the part about failure and death?"

"Oh. Well, you should be able to hold your breath for a really long time. After all, you can talk for a half an hour on a single breath." John snickered.

"Ha, ha. Are you insane?"

Apparently it was Rodney's turn to go first. John watched as they grabbed him by his hair- ouch- and plunged his head under the water. He waited, and waited. He silently ordered the man to stay calm, focus. Rodney didn't struggle, though John could see that his fingers were twitching. He willed the men to pull Rodney out. Finally, just as Rodney let the air out of his lungs, the men pulled him up.

John didn't have time to ask if the physicist was OK, since they grabbed him and shoved his head under the water. It closed over his head, cold and somehow hard feeling. He didn't struggle, knowing he had to remain calm. He didn't want to drown, but Rodney's reminder that if he failed, he died- and so did Rodney- went a long way towards keeping his cool. He concentrated. His lungs started to burn. His head spun. Just when he thought he wouldn't be able to hold his breath any longer, a rough hand pulled him out of the water. Gasping, he let his head hang for a minute. He was going to have the mother of all headaches.

"The villains have passed the second Trial. They have been purified. Let us feast and prepare for the third." The man in gold waved his hands. Servants began to bring plates of food, passing them to the crowd. More brought goblets and pitchers. The watchers began to talk amongst themselves. They chatted and laughed as the water dripped from the two Lanteans.

"I guess we don't get any, being criminals and all." John tried to breath normally, but his lungs still burned.

"Yes, and we know why we're considered criminals, don't we?" Rodney muttered. "I really hate being right."

"No, you don't. You love it. And what were you right about?"

"That we're going to die." Rodney stared at him from red rimmed eyes. "I should have updated my will."

"You have a will?"

"You don't?" The Canadian snorted. "Figures."

"Well, I don't really have much to worry about." John couldn't help it. It suddenly struck him as hilarious. "What do you have in your will?"

"We're going to die today, don't you have things to regret?"

"We are not going to die!"

They didn't get the chance to talk anymore. "The third Trial is the Trial of Wind. Being suspended in the wind allows us to sever the connection with our baser selves. They shall allow the Wind to surround them, to envelop them."

"Oh, that is so bad! Really, really bad." Rodney's voice was barely above a whisper, but John heard him. He looked to where his friend stared. The men were wheeling a large platform towards them.

"What the hell is that?"

"I know you aren't that stupid. It's a freaking gallows!" Rodney seemed to finally let panic grab him. He clutched John's arm. "Oh my God! They're going to hang us! Hang us!"

"Calm down! We don't know..." He stopped when they men threw the noose over the top. "Where the hell are Ronon and Teyla?"

"Did you forget the sandstorm outside? Maybe it's over. I hope the storm's done, and they're really close. With some marines- no, all the marines."

Rodney was still gripping his arm, but his fingers slid loose when the black robed men took their arms. They pulled them to the platform. The pain in his knee almost brought tears to his eyes. He rested his weight on his good leg and he felt the rope slide over his head. His eyes met Rodney's. The rope looked obscene as it lay across his collarbone. John felt his face twist, trying to say things he couldn't with words.

Rodney lifted his chin. He seemed to nod. God, you could really see everything he felt in his eyes. John saw it, at least. It mirrored his own thoughts. As the rope started to tighten, he realized that the floor wasn't going to drop out from under his feet. Rather, they were raising them above the platform. He tried to hold the rope with his hands to lessen the strain on his neck. When the black robed men hit his hands with a metal rod, he knew they weren't allowed to use their hands. Rodney yelped next to him and he figured the other man had learned that, too. As his toes began to leave the floor, he blindly groped out with his hand until he found Rodney's.


	3. Chapter 3

Each person on Atlantis had their own ways of dealing with life in the Pegasus galaxy. Ronon sparred, fought and trained. Teyla meditated and spent time with friends. Major Lorne ran and trained. Radek worked on the monotonous chore of searching through the databases left by the Ancients.

He was keeping his mind split between the MALP readings and the files in front of him. He was truly worried. He had found nothing about M99-472. No mention at all, which was strange in a bad way. The address was there, but nothing further. No geological information, no notes on the human population. Nothing. He scrolled though the highly unorganized folders, hoping to find something that would help them.

He almost missed it. Sitting forward, he pushed his glasses up. As he read, he felt his stomach drop. He could clearly hear Rodney in his mind telling him that he shouldn't be surprised since they had already learned that 'ethics' and 'Ancients' weren't necessarily compatible words.

He had to tell Samantha Carter, immediately. He practically ran from his labs, telling Ronon, Teyla and Major Lorne to meet him at her office. He arrived out of breath and clutching his laptop. Sam suggested they use the conference room.

"I have been searching all day for information on the planet. I had thought perhaps there was information on the weather patterns that would assist us in planning our rescue mission." He drew a deep breath, aware that his accent had grown thicker with his anxiety. "I could not find anything pertaining to the planet at all, at first. Then I came across one file."

"I have the translation program running so that you can read it for yourselves. But essentially, the planet was set up as a kind of psychological experiment." Radek swallowed. "I'll let you read the details for yourself."

They waited while a printer spit out pages of information. The room was silent except for the rustling of paper as he handed out the translated files. Radek waited while they scanned it, hoping they would see something he hadn't. Teyla seemed to draw into herself. Major Lorne's face turned stony and angry. Ronon shoved his chair back and started pacing.

"We should just get Sheppard and McKay and then send a bomb through the gate."

"I would like to, but the storm is too severe. The sand would strip the skin from anyone on the ground, and the jumpers would crash from the magnetic field created by this storm."

"We can't just do nothing!"

"I understand how you feel-" Carter started with a frown.

Ronon cut her off. "No, you don't." He turned and stalked from the room, anger vibrating through every inch of his body, leaving the room still and full of tension. The rest of them went back to reading, though they were more anxious than before.

"They did this on purpose?" Sam asked incredulously. At the Czech's nod, she shook her head. "The more we learn about the Ancients-"

"The less we like them. They were not the all knowing and benevolent beings everyone had thought. Yes, we know this." Radek cleared his throat. "For Rodney and Colonel Sheppard, the problem is that after ten thousand years it doesn't appear they've changed much, simply that the purpose of the experiment was horribly twisted. Rather than using methods to execute criminals, it is now a part of their religion."

"The Seven Trials do sound remarkably similar to this." Sam lowered her head into her hands. "I cannot believe the Ancients populated an entire planet with violent criminals as part of a study. Well, OK, I can, but not using them to learn how people reacted to their worst fears. Dying by fire or drowning, going insane... That's horribly cruel. What was wrong with these people?"

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Rodney could feel the pressure on his airway increasing with every breath he took. The floor was under just the very tips of his toes. He was terrified that they would simply fold under the strain. He struggled not to panic, using Sheppard's hand as a lifeline. As long as he held on, he could stand the strain on his muscles. He could continue to breathe shallowly. He would remain perfectly still. He couldn't tell whose hand was sweatier, but he was terrified the moisture would cause them to slide apart. Sheppard's fingers were curled tight around his own, causing their own brand of pain, but he was grateful for it.

He didn't know how long they'd hung there, but he knew it was longer than he'd have thought possible. The brand on his face throbbed and ached with every beat of his heart. The rope inched up higher under his jaw. He could hear Sheppard grunting with the effort of keeping his body stretched. Rodney figured the man's leg must be a screaming mass of agony. Tears ran down his face. He hoped he was getting enough oxygen to his brain. It would totally suck to lose brain cells.

Without warning, the ropes holding them dropped. Neither man was prepared for the sudden release. He heard Sheppard's yell of pain as his injured knee hit the wood. His own legs were jarred. But it was the sudden supply of air that had him gasping and gulping. His hand was still wrapped in John's but he wasn't in any hurry to let go. Rodney's neck was on fire, and the muscles felt torn and bruised. His headache turned into sharp, jagged pains. Both of them lay sprawled on the floor, trying to grasp the fact that they were alive.

"These men have survived the Trial of Air. They shall be given a brief time to rest then we shall begin again." With that, the golden robed man turned and left the dais. The crowd followed in silence. Rodney and Sheppard were hauled to their feet and marched back to the small room they'd been in earlier. The tunnels seemed darker, somehow. The walls, lined with torches, seemed to grow and shrink. He was almost grateful to be back in their very tiny cell. No, claustrophobia not welcome here. Wide open spaces. Close your eyes, pretend you're outside, or better yet, a very large lecture hall receiving your Nobel.

"You OK?" Sheppard gasped out as he maneuvered himself to the floor.

"What? They just tried to hang us -after drowning us- and lets not forget the glowing hot pieces of metal they stuck us with." He sighed, seeing how exhausted the other man looked. "I'll live. How are you?"

"I've been better. Actually, it's all a dull pain." John looked at him when he snorted in disbelief. "Seriously, it's not really t hat bad."

"Uh-huh. So do you have any ideas on getting us out of here?" Rodney wasn't going to push the issue of Sheppard's health. He could see the mark on his chest was getting infected. He also saw the fevered shine in the hazel eyes. They had to get out, but how? He himself was at a total loss. There wasn't any technology to work with, and he didn't have the strength to overpower the guards, steal weapons and carry Sheppard to safety.

"No, Rodney, I don't."

"Why don't you take a nap or something? You might come up with a plan in your sleep." Rodney slid down next to him. They both leaned in towards each other. It was chilly in the stone room. "Who knows how long they'll let us rest."

"How's the blood sugar thing?"

Rodney hoped his face didn't betray the lie when he said, "It'll be fine for awhile, but I'll need to eat soon." He could already feel the faint tremble in his hands, he was sweating, and his heart had begun to palpitate. He could put Sheppard off by explaining it as a delayed stress reaction, but not for much longer. Once he started having convulsions or fell into a coma, it'd be hard to hide.

"So what do you have in your will?" John asked.

"That's personal." Rodney sighed. John did that eyebrow-head-tilt thing that meant he wanted to know. He knew that John would never let it go. "All that pay that I'm not on Earth to spend? My bank account's pretty big now. So, well, my will says to divide it three ways. Madison, Jeannie, and...you."

"You remembered me in your will?" John sounded like he was choking.

"Don't laugh! I mean, I don't have anyone but Jeannie and Madison. And you. Moron." He wasn't embarrassed, exactly. Just uncomfortable with the proof of the fact that he cared.

"No, really I'm touched." John snickered. "As long as there's no letter for me detailing the undying love you've held for me all these years."

"What? No! I just thought, that, well, you'd make sure- if we're still in Pegasus, that is- that Teyla and Ronon have...whatever. Or they could live on Earth. If they wanted. Or if you needed money... since I'm aware of what the American military pays people."

"That's actually nice. I'm impressed."

"Yes, well, I'm not totally without feelings." Rodney felt spent. "And right now, I feel tired. Go to sleep."

Allowing his head to rest against the stone wall, he forced himself to think of anything but the throbbing pain in his face and neck. It burned and felt cold at the same time. The abused tissue in his shoulders and neck throbbed. No, think about something else.

Sheppard was in worse shape, so it would be up to him. He had only seen one place that might be an exit, and that was through the central hall. Really, the only way he could think of to get out was by surviving the last four trials. But what were they? He looked at the man by his side. And would John be able to make it?

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Ronon looked down at the last marine who'd agreed to spar with him. It wasn't as satisfying as killing a Wraith, but it helped work out some of his anger. Jerking his head t get the hair from his eyes, he looked up to see Carter in the doorway. She was Sheppard's commander, but for himself, Ronon didn't have the same feelings of loyalty towards her as he had for Dr. Weir. And he didn't think she had the same for them, either. He'd give her a chance because Sheppard trusted her.

"Hey. Do you have a minute?" Her hands were clasped nervously in front of her.

"Yeah." Rubbing his shoulders with a towel, he walked to one of the benches and sat. He figured if she wanted to sit, she would, if not, she could stand.

"I just wanted to let you know that we've been checking, and so far, the storm hasn't let up."

Ronon raised his eyebrow and one corner of his mouth lifted. He didn't think he looked amused. He wasn't. And he knew that wasn't what she wanted to talk about. "I know."

Carter bit her lips. "I need to know that when we go in for our people it's only going to be a rescue op. I don't want any more injuries than necessary. On either side."

"It'll depend on how they are when we find them." He wasn't going to back down on this. Those people had been evil. They had been eager to grab them for their games.

"I think I know how you feel. A gate team becomes close, like family. I used to go on missions, too, you know."

Suddenly he was more than angry. He shot to his feet. She didn't understand. "You think you know what I feel? Yeah, I think of them as my family. But the difference between you and me? The reason you can't understand? I was alone for seven years! Not just lonely. My whole planet was gone. Every place and person I loved was _gone_. Seven years! They gave me...they made me...Sheppard is..." His chest was heaving. He was ashamed to feel his eyes burn, so he turned and left the room. He knew what he was trying to say. They'd given him a new home, taken him in and accepted him as a brother. Given him the same respect and friendship they gave to their own. He _was_ their own, now.

He went to the labs, not because he liked them, but sometimes when he was emotional he went to watch McKay work. Not that he'd ever admit to it. For all that McKay was high strung, and when they were on missions he sometimes wanted to hit him, here in his lab, his element, he was like a symphony. Calming and uplifting. It was soothing somehow to listen to him mutter to himself and type on his treasured laptop. It never ceased to amaze him that Earth people were afraid of the man. Or rather, afraid of receiving his focussed attention. And he never strayed far from his laptop. He smiled, remembering the last movie they'd watched. He could see the pysicist caressing the machine and calling it, "My precious!"

He sat in the chair as he did when Rodney was there. He imagined the smaller man waving his hand as he told him he could sit, so long as he didn't, "paw the Ancient technology". His eyes followed the other scientists, seeing a nervousness in them that wasn't normally there. He saw the sideways glances and heard the tense whispers. It was mostly from the more recent arrivals. He rose when Zelenka entered the room.

"What's wrong with them?" He jerked his head towards the rest of them.

"What do you mean?"

"They look like they're scared of me."

"Oh, that's because they are. You are not typical for our planet. Few people are so..." The little man seemed to struggle for a word.

"Primitive? Feral?" That's what McKay always called him. "Like Conan?"

"Yes. I would not say primitive, but perhaps primal would be better word."

"They don't usually look at me like that, though." It bothered him that they would fear him when he had given Atlantis his loyalty.

"Well, when Rodney is here, there is something more terrifying than you to fear, yes?" Radek smiled. "He makes them focus on the work, on him. They barely notice you when he is present."

Ronon was surprised to feel himself relax a little. "I guess it's hard to notice anything when he gets going."

Zelenak beamed at him. "Exactly. So do not worry. When he is back he will yell, they will cry, and all will be well."

"Yeah. When he's back." Ronon's anger left him, and he was surprised to feel...fear.

000000000000000


	4. Chapter 4

They were finally given a small hunk of bread- to share!- and a small bowl of water. They split it, though Rodney thought John gave him a slightly larger 'half'. Rodney was grateful, however, since it gave him some hope of avoiding a coma. They ate, each silent in his own thoughts.

"So, what kind of regrets do you have?" Sheppard asked, but kept his head down.

"What?"

"You asked me if I had regrets. I'm asking if you had any."

"Uh, no. I told you about my will." Which had met his daily quota for being laughed at. And he really did not want to dwell on his regrets right now. "I'm not telling you private, personal things."

"Hey, I've seen your underwear. What's more personal than that?"

"Why don't you tell me your regrets?" Rodney absolutely was not going to talk about this.

"OK, I regret coming to this stinking planet."

"Me, too." Their heads lifted as the door swung open, revealing the two guards. "Let's go. More fun and games await." He helped Sheppard stand and they followed the guard. Rodney wondered what fine entertainment they'd provide this time. What was left? They'd done Fire, Water and Air. That left Earth, Flesh, Blood and Heart. Great. Earth was next.

"Where're we goin'?"

"Back to the halls of hell. We have to finish the Seven Trials." Rodney winced as he shifted Sheppard's weight. His neck was killing him.

"Oh. Don' wanna go there." John leaned his head on Rodney's shoulder.

"No, neither do I, but we really don't have a choice. It's not like the cretins who've decided to make ritual torture a means of crime control would let us go now." He huffed. "No, once again we get to be the entertainment for the evening. Stupid idiots! And where's our rescue?"

"'M sure they're comin'." Sheppard sounded cheerful. God.

"Is this what you're like when you're drunk? Because seriously? You're really scary this way. Not in the 'I'm a super-killer soldier' way, but more in the 'strange old lady with cats and clocks' way."

They were led to the same area in the center of the cavern. The same gold robe on the same man. This time the other men wore brown robes. Oh, how original. He waited for the leader to speak, and if he stood a bit closer to Sheppard than he normally did, well, John was the one who'd grabbed his hand.

"The criminals have lived through the first three Trials. Now for the Trial of Earth." He motioned to the men in brown and they began wheeling carts of small stones to the center of the room. Stones? "They shall be beaten by the Earth itself, as a wayward child is beaten by its father. So shall they be taught the pain of disobedience."

Rodney saw the two men each grab a rock. There was no way the colonel would make it through this and three more of these things. He had a moment of indecision. He really hated pain. Truly. But he hated the thought of them both dying because one of them failed. He hurt, but he thought he was in better shape than Sheppard. He allowed John to slide to his knees, ignoring the soldier's groan of pain. He folded himself around him as best he could, and felt the first of the rocks begin to hit him. The first few barely grazed him, and he took a moment to hope their aim didn't improve. A futile hope, as it turned out. The stones began to hit his back, shoulders and legs. One hit him right on the nape of the neck and he almost fell away from John.

John wasn't helping, either. He was struggling weakly to crawl out from under Rodney. "Rodney! Let me go!"

Rodney couldn't. He wasn't willing to let them kill John. He felt John's flinch when a stone hit his bad leg. "Just stop moving...let me...I'm in better shape." Rodney shifted again, ignoring John's curses as he pulled him closer. "Try...to be...Ah!...reasonable. I have...more...padding."

Rodney could feel the edges make tiny little cuts in his skin. He knew he'd be damn sore from this later, but for now, all he was trying to do was shield John. They didn't throw the stones in any predictable rhythm, so he couldn't prepare. A rather large stone hit his hand where it covered Sheppard's temple. He was trembling so badly he didn't know how they could hit him. His mind frantically tried to wonder how much damage a body could take before it just stopped working. Finally, it ended.

"They have survived the Trial of Earth. Let us prepare them for the next Trial. The Trial of Blood." The elder's voice intoned solemnly.

Rodney groaned and rolled away from Sheppard. John's eyes blazed with fever and he trembled. _I'm not doing so well, myself_. He was exhausted, his stomach was clenching angrily in hunger. One piece of bread wasn't much when faced with the kind of ordeal he was undergoing. He was one large lump of pain. He wished desperately for a drink of water.

"McKay, you are such an idiot!" John was shaking, yes, but now Rodney could see it wasn't all pain and illness. No, the way his mouth was a thin slash of anger told the scientist that he was royally pissed. "Don't. Ever. Do. That. Again."

Rodney stared at him, wordless. Didn't the stupid man realize that he was one of his best friends? Carson was one thing, but Sheppard was not just his friend, he was his team-mate. He wasn't good at examining his feelings, much less talking about them, but he was pretty sure that he kind of felt like John was his brother. He was also a little hurt that apparently John didn't understand that.

He looked up when he heard a clanking noise. Shit! The two men had placed poles into the holes of the pit. Two manacles hung from each. What the hell were they going to have to do now? He carefully looked over at John, who'd rolled to his back. The Air Force colonel was tough, but he couldn't take much more. If he was honest with himself, Rodney would have to admit he couldn't take much more of this, either. His whole body was one large ache. He barely noticed his cheek, what with the variety of ills to choose from.

When the men bent to lift Sheppard, Rodney grabbed the one closest. It was a weak grab, but it was enough to gain the attention of the leader. "Hey!"

"You are interfering with the Trials!"

"Can't you just wait a bit? I mean, you'll still get your kicks later, but can't you let him rest again, or something?" Rodney still had the arm of the guy in the robe. If he let go, he'd probably fall over, he though sourly.

"We cannot change the rules. You must participate in the manner prescribed. There is a pause between the third and fouth Trials, and again before the last."

"At least let him eat and rest, drink some water." Rodney pleaded.

"Rodney, shut up!" John pulled at the corner of his boxers.

"Seriously, wouldn't be as much fun for you if we die in the middle. I'm sure you would rather the entertainment last as long as possible." Rodney ignored Sheppard, who had shakily risen to kneel on one leg, the other gingerly held at an angle from his body. "Give him another, uh, period of rest."

The hooded man was silent for a second. He seemed to smile. Rodney shivered. It wasn't a nice smile. At a wave from the elder, someone brought a flask to John. They wet a towel and washed some of the blood away. He was gently settled back on the ground at Rodney's feet. He hated to admit it, but the little bit of care seemed to have already done Sheppard some good.

He licked his own cracked lips. "Could I have a little water? Just a sip!"

"No. The request was only granted for him. One of you must continue as prescribed by the Ancestors." The elder seemed to smirk. "Of course, that means that instead of sharing the punishment, you shall take all of it for him while he rests."

"What?" Rodney's eyes widened. What they'd gone through had been split in half? Oh, he was so dead. "Wait, no, no, no! I didn't- that's not what I meant!"

The guards dragged him over to the post, securing the manacles. His shoulders and neck protested, his cheek hurt where it pressed against the wood. He made a noise, half grunt, half sob. He didn't do well with pain- he'd had enough pain already. He was dimly aware of John trying to take down a robed guard and receive a blow to the head for it. He was more involved in panicking.

"You shall make amends with the Trial of Blood. As you have caused one pain, so shall your blood spill in a demonstration of your own pain. Begin."

God, these people were psychotic. He had just enough time to close his eyes before the first blow fell. He wanted to scream. It stung and burned. Again. He pressed as close to the pole as he could get. Another. He gasped. Whoosh! He felt the skin of his back split. Crack! He cried out. Hiss!

The firelight shifted on his closed lids. He could hear his panting breaths, his sobbing groans. The smell of blood- his blood- filled his nose. He could taste it, too, where he had bitten his lip. The wood was rough under his fingers as they held tightly. The metal cuffs dug into his wrists. It was nearly too horrible to process. He held on to his mind with all he had. If he let go, he'd be dead, and that would mean they were both dead. Rodney McKay was not going to let that happen. He had to do this so they'd both live.


	5. Chapter 5

Teyla focused on her opponant. She thrust. She blocked. Her mind cleared and she moved beyond her thoughts and relied on her instincts. Her workout clothes swirled around her legs. She felt strong. She whirled and struck.

The world narrowed to this: evade, attack. Move quickly, stalk the enemy. She more than remembered the lessons of her father. She lived them, breathed the fighter he'd trained her to be. She would not fall. She gathered herself for her final attack. As she swung her fighting stick, a strong hand caught her wrist. She turned to face the new threat, only to find Ronon holding her arm.

"Sheppard doesn't like it when you really hurt them." His head jerked towards the panting marine captain.

She took a deep breath. Yes, she had been too focused, losing sight of the fact that this was practice. She could have injured the man. "I apologize. I'm afraid I was not being careful."

They watched as the young man warily nodded at them as he gathered his belongings.

"It's pretty late. You should get some rest." Ronon said softly.

"I will rest when I need it." She knew her voice was sharper than she intended. "I am sorry. I should not take out my anger at being helpless on you."

He sniffed. "Wanna go eat?"

They agreed to meet in the mess hall. She sat across from him. In many ways she felt more comfortable with him. They understood this galaxy, they had both been born and lived their lives under the threat of the Wraith. That made them look at nearly everything differently than the Earth natives. But she also had connections with the missing members of their team. Learning to trust each other, living through dangerous missions together, fighting the Wraith bound them as much as being born of the same tribe.

"I'm not good at waiting." Ronon shoveled the mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"No, you are not." She gentled her observation with a smile and decided to distract them both for a little while. "Ronon, have you noticed anything different lately?"

"About what?" He asked around a mouthful.

"Anything at all." She wasn't going to point it out if it wasn't obvious.

"You mean that look you have?"

"Look?" She felt a little apprehensive, but wasn't sure why. Of course, she had asked the question, she should not be surprised by his observation. His ability to notice subtleties was strong. She'd thought he'd notice her more frequent trips to visit her people. She was surprised that she had a 'look'."

"Yeah. That look women get when they fall in love." He raised his eyebrow and chewed slowly. "It's not Sheppard, is it?"

"No! Certainly not. Besides the fact that we work together, we would not be happy together." She chose her words carefully. "I think my desires are too simple for him to be happy, and he holds himself back too much for me to be happy."

Ronon stared at her. "I thought it was because him and McKay..."

"I am not aware of any intimate relationship they may have. But then neither of them are very emotionally open." Teyla said carefully. She herself had some thoughts on the pair's strange relationship.

"Yeah. Noticed a lot of them," he nodded at the line of soldiers and scientists behind him, "are that way. Even McKay. Talks way too much, but doesn't really say anything deep. 'Course, you learn everything you need to if you watch his face."

"Hmm. Yes, I think you are right. With Sheppard, it's only when he is angry or hurt that you really see anything of his true self." She shook herself. "Anyway, no, it's no one here. One of my people. A good man. I think we will have a happy life together."

Ronon gave her the first smile anyone had seen from him in days. "I'm happy for you."

"Yes, me too. Now, we should check on the status of the weather."

0000000000000

John wasn't sure where he was at first. It worried him because he normally had no problem being completely alert and aware as soon as he opened his eyes. He could hear someone making harsh noises of pain. As he shifted, a wave of pain radiated from his knee and his head exploded. As he reached to touch it, his neck protested. His head was spinning. He knew there was something important he should know, but...

Rodney! He ignored the pain and rotated his body to look for him. He was faced with the scientist's bare legs. He followed them up to the weird teddy bear boxers. Then up- "Jesus, Rodney!" the man's back was shredded. Blood flowed freely down his back and legs. His arms were marked with red lines. He had his eyes closed and John cringed at the sounds he made.

He ignored his friend's shriek of pain as he used everything he had left to grab Rodney's hips and pull himself up. There was a sharp crack, then pain blossomed on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around his friend, hoping he could stay there. The whip hissed and cracked, and John lost track of time. There was a sudden hush, a loud stillness. The the guards stepped back and stood silently.

"See if they both live."

John was pulled away from the post and Rodney. His legs couldn't hold him, so he let himself fall to the ground. He watched as Rodney's wrists were unlocked. He tried to move closer, to catch him before he hit the stone floor, but wasn't fast enough. Instead, he ended up collapsed beside him. He felt the stickiness of blood, smelled it. Rodney mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "Idiot".

"They have passed the Trial of Blood. They will submit to the Trial of Flesh. The Trial of Flesh symbolizes the transformation to new men. They shall be made blank slates, their transgressions removed from their bodies." With a wave of his hands, two men robed in gray stood behind them. John locked his gaze on the head honcho. He didn't like the pure evil in the man's gaze when he looked at Rodney. There was something, some reason he had allowed him to participate when it was supposedly John's crime. He would have to pursue that line of thought later, because right now, he had other things to deal with.

Rodney moaned when the men hauled him to his feet. Several more men came and held their arms. John gasped and cursed. His mind was fuzzy, his body hurt and he was getting tired of this. He was going to open his mouth when the flash of a knife caught his eye. He swallowed his words of anger and clenched his jaw. The elder walked t o them, the spectators clearing a path as he walked. He stood and stared at Rodney. Shit! He knew that look. The gold hooded man caressed Rodney's face and neck with the knife's edge. He smiled. He leaned forward to _smell_ Rodney. What a wacko.

The blade gleamed as the elder brought it to Rodney's shoulder. A quick swipe. Rodney screamed. The knife came away with a thin strip of skin. John felt his stomach heave and he threw up. He heaved a few more times. Oh, god, that hurt! He had some satisfaction in the fact that most of the vomit splattered the man with the knife and the _piece of Rodney_. The man didn't react. He held the knife over a bowl. Rodney's skin slid slowly down to the edge before dropping into the bowl with a small splat. His stomach clenched again, but he controlled it.

He watched the knife come closer to his own shoulder. He gritted his teeth and held himself as straight as he could. When the knife slid under his skin, he couldn't stop the groan of pain. He wanted to writhe and howl. He held himself still. He wanted to scream, cry, wail. Curl into the fetal position. Instead he concentrated on breathing through it. He heard the sound of his skin sliding into the bowl. He shuddered.

"They have completed the Trial of Flesh. The Trial of Heart will begin at dusk. The heart must weep Tears of Remorse. The mind must face its greatest challenge and overcome it." With that, the man and all but four guards filed out the narrow opening. John couldn't walk and Rodney couldn't either, so the guards literally dragged them to their cell.

"What were you thinking?" John murmured to the scientist. "It's my job to protect you."

"Yes, and you're certainly in perfect shape to do that." Rodney's voice lacked his usual heat. "Anyway, we only have one last Trial."

After a few minutes of silence, Rodney said hoarsely, "Oh my god! Do you think they'll actually let us go if we make it through the last on? What if our reward for surviving is a quick death? Or worse, they make us live among them." He chuffed a laugh. "Pegasus hates us."

"Yeah. You alright?"

"Sure, peachy. Duh. Whipped man, here." Rodney's voice was soft in contrast to his words. "I think I can hold out for a little while longer."

"The trying to protect me thing? Just, don't do that again." John swallowed. He couldn't find words to express what he felt. "Try to rest for now."

John prayed that Atlantis would arrive soon. They weren't doing so well. Rodney was shaking, but pulled himself into a small ball at John's side. He was afraid to touch the scientist. It didn't seem there was a place that wouldn't cause him pain. He gently rested his hand on Rodney's, and he allowed his cheek to rest against the brown hair. John wondered what would happen to them if they survived the night and the last Trial. What if Rodney was right? If a quick death was their reward, it wasn't much of one. He tried to figure out what was with the elder. And he wondered if it would have been better to have allowed themselves to die in the first trial.

--0000000000000000

"Colonel Carter! The storm is clearing. It should decrease in intensity over the next four hours and be calm enough to send jumpers in by the time it's evening on the planet." Radek panted. He'd run from the labs to her office.

"Thank you." Sam hit her radio. "Major Lorne, bring your team to the briefing room. Teyla? Ronon? Meet me in the briefing room."

When they were all seated, Sam looked at the people gathered. Somehow she still felt like asking someone else if they were ready to start. It seemed so foreign to her to be the leader of this expedition. She still hadn't gained the trust of everyone. She knew some of the resentment was because she was military and this was a civilian operation. Some of the distance was because a surprisingly large part of the population had expected McKay to get the position. Regardless of his lack of tact, apparently they felt that he'd proven himself capable of keeping them alive often enough that they trusted him. If not him, then Sheppard. Neither man had done anything to encourage it, but it was there. And the Athosian leader still didn't know her well enough. Sam thought Ronon Dex still held it against her that she wouldn't allow his friends- who turned out to be Wraith worshipers- on Atlantis.

Turning her attention back to the people around the table, she mentally geared up. Ronon, Teyla, Radek, Lorne and she wasn't surprised to see Jennifer Keller. She was glad someone (Major Lorne?) had called her. They might need the med team standing by. She inwardly rolled her eyes. Of course they'd need medical atttention. They went over the details of the rescue. The longer they'd had to wait, the faster the tension had increased. They had already hammered out the main plan, but now the teams were trying to get approval for things she'd already refused. Some days this job sucked.

Major Lorne suggested flying four jumpers through the gate, and as many marines as the city could spare- just in case they needed more men on the ground. She discarded that idea- again. "We aren't going to lay siege to them, we're rescuing our guys."

Radek asked about one of Earth's ships. She had already asked and found that the fastest they could get here was a week. "Besides, the Asgard transporters won't work through the mountain because of a mineral that blocks the signal."

They fine tuned strategies, finally deciding to send in a small group of marines on the ground backed up by two cloaked jumpers. The same plan they made two days ago. They'd locate their men first, someone would try to talk them into releasing the Lanteans. If that didn't work, then they'd send the marines to try and do a snatch and run. If that option failed, they'd use the threat of violence.

"We could tell them we're going to blow the mountain up." Ronon's idea seemed to have some support if the considering looks were anything to go by.

Sam decided to get them back on track. "Once we have McKay and Sheppard, you cloak the jumpers and go back through the gate. That's all."

Teyla looked at her steadily. "They will not release them without a fight."

Sam shook her head. "We don't know that. We may be able to negotiate first." No one really looked convinced. "When you return, we'll lock out that gate address. I do wish we had a way to warn others."

"We could have Zelenka send a bomb through the gate after we get back, blow them all up." Ronon suggested.

"Yes, I could do that. I could make-" The Czech snapped his mouth shut when Carter glared at him.

"Perhaps we should simply damage their Stargate ." Teyla added thoughtfully."So that others cannot travel there."

Lorne nodded. "We could place timed charges on the gate and set them to blow after we leave."

"That would wipe out most of their continent." Sam shook her head.

"But it would be effective." Teyla pointed out.

"There might be other native communities on that planet who need their Stargate. They would suffer, too." Sam was relieved the Athosian leader conceded. She'd hate to have mutiny so soon after arriving, and she had a feeling that in a battle of loyalty, Teyla would win hands down. "That's settled, then. No massive explosions. And we try to keep the casualties as low as possible." She sent a warning look towards Ronon and Teyla. Both gave her stony looks, though Teyla's was more a cold smile. Even Radek was glaring. And she'd thought T'ealc was an eye-for-an-eye kind of guy. The Pegasus natives made him look soft and gooey.

She turned to Radek. "Continue to monitor the weather. Let me know the minute we can start the rescue op. All of you, be ready."


	6. Chapter 6

John's fears were realized when the elder visited them shortly after they fall asleep. He entered silently, carrying a Wraith stunner. He had a small smile on his lips. John could see by the look in his eyes that he was totally insane.

He had a moment of clarity and knew, knew what that look on the elder's face was. He wanted Rodney. He wanted to have sex with him, and apparently, he got off on pain. It clicked into place. The way Rodney had been allowed to share the Trials with him, the way he'd let Rodney be whipped (and it was sick, but that was part of it- the elder had been turned on by watching Rodney be whipped to shreds) while John sat.

As the man crept forward, Rodney woke with a pained groan. John was disgusted to see the expression on the native man's face. He was even more revolted when the man licked his lips as if he were starving and Rodney was a five course gourmet meal. John wanted to beat the man until he was a mass of bloody pulp. All he could do was shift slightly, so that he was closer to his friend.

"You have survived the first six Trials. It is nearly unheard of for anyone to last that long. You must be strong." His gaze fixed on Sheppard. "You don't have to suffer any more. I could let you go."

"Yeah, in return for what?" John knew. He also knew there was no fucking way.

"The scholar stays." His voice held something that made John shiver.

"You can't possibly be saying what I think you're saying!" Rodney's voice rose with each word. "No, no, no. I really don't think so. I am not that kind of man! And why does Sheppard get all the hot alien chicks who like picnics and I get crazy old men with pain fetishes?"

Despite wanting to snicker at Rodney's words (and how weird was it that he could find Rodney funny right now?), John forced his face to fall into an expressionless mask. "That is not an option."

"Exactly. We don't leave our people behind." Rodney wasn't completely reassured, if his grip on John's arm was anything to go by.

The elder motioned with the tip of the stunner for Rodney and John to separate. He heard Rodney's sarcastic, "Please, with as much pain as we're in, don't you think threatening us with a weapon that knocks us out as effectively as any drug Keller has is pretty stupid?"

The man cocked his head to the side and fired the stunner. He slowly let his eyes follow along the lines of Rodney's body until his gaze rested back on John's face.

"Why'd the hell did you do that?" John was rapidly tiring, he wasn't completely sure he would be able to do more than whisper at the man if he decided to act on his lust for Rodney.

"I thought your answer might be different without him awake to hear." Calculating eyes gleamed.

"Nope."

"Very well. It is a shame, however, to waste such an opportunity. He's a fine specimen. So very rare, you know, are men with both strength and softness. And we have never met anyone with eyes of that color. We could make a fortune."

John's eyes narrowed, but he refused to discuss this.

"Yes, after I grow tired of him I could charge almost any price I wanted." John noticed a bead of sweat sliding down the side of the elder's face. His eyes dropped to the pulse that was plainly pounding in the guy's neck, and saw the tenting robe further down.

"You're pretty insane, for a leader." OK, snipe and distract. Too much attention on Rodney.

The man smiled. "So some say. But I fought my way to the top, and on the top I shall stay." His eyes seemed drawn back to the bloody curve of Rodney's back.

"So, what happens after we do the last Trial?" Keep him talking. Great plan, John. He hadn't felt this physically week since he'd been a prisoner of the Genni and they'd fed him to a Wraith.

"You are sent to the mines. I could arrange it so that my people think you're dead and I can take him as my slave."

"That was your plan all along, wasn't it?" This man was repulsive. "That's why you let him do this with me."

The lunatic just shrugged. "I wanted to see how strong he really is. I have certain... preferences, and often my slaves die too easily. He is wonderfully hearty, though."

God, the man was really sick. Really, really sick. "So why go through this charade at all?"

"It is a way to keep the people under my control. As long as we have the trials, people follow the rules. They obey me. And it is a way for us to keep the mines running." He smiled again, his eyes dreamy. "I so love the pale ones."

John shuddered. He looked to where Rodney lay, almost naked, bloody and completely helpless right now. Something clamped around his chest. This wasn't supposed to happen. So far, his team had managed to keep Rodney mostly safe on missions. It figures when he failed, it would be a doozy of non-safe mission. "Why do you need my agreement?"

"I don't. I like to be able to replay this and prove to them that they were abandoned." He held out a small rectangular box. Was that some kind of audio recorder? He heard Rodney's voice answer him, _Sure it is. It's how things happen to us- the crazy Cult of Pain has secret technology_.

John tried to imagine how he'd feel if presented with proof that he had been willingly left behind. He imagined, instead, Rodney's face. Damn effective way to break in a slave. To break a man. This whole planet sucked.

"The hour grows late." The elder backed towards the door. He looked at John and fired the stunner. He never felt the small black disc placed behind his ear.

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John woke to find himself alone. His mind conjured horrible thoughts: Rodney had died of his injuries, they had taken him and made him do the last Trial alone. Maybe something he couldn't even imagine- didn't want to imagine. His injuries made it impossible to pace. He talked to himself, but with no one to answer, it only made him more anxious. Had that bastard taken McKay? His thoughts circled round and round. He was ready to scream from not knowing what was happening when the guards opened the door. He couldn't wait. He had to make at least an attempt at escape.

"Where's McKay? What did you do with him?" When they ignored his questions, he shouted, "Answer me, damn you!" He managed to stand by keeping his weight on his good leg, and using the wall to prop himself up. John allowed his training to take over. When they came to take his arms, he reached out and grabbed the pistol- his own- from the man and shot him. As the man dropped, he fired at the other one.

He used the wall to support as much of his weight as he could. He couldn't raise his arms very high before his shoulders screamed in pain. His chest hurt, and he could tell he was feverish. He pushed through it, knowing he had to find Rodney. He snorted, then, wondering what he'd do when he did. He had one gun, could barely walk and was feeling pretty dizzy. He'd never hear the end of it.

The passageways were like a maze, and yes, his sense of direction was sometimes off, but his main goal here was to find Rodney, so he'd keep looking. Hide from the natives. As he walked, though, he could feel his last reserves of strength failing. His world narrowed. He put all of his efforts into creeping his way along the corridors without falling.

He was putting everything he had into moving, so much so that he didn't notice the guards until they were nearly in front of him. Reflexively John brought up the gun and fired and fired. When he focused, he saw he had hit all of them. Two guards had died instantly of head shots. Rodney stood behind them, a bloody hole in his chest. His eyes held disbelief and sorrow.

"You ... shot me... again! What..is it...with you...shooting...me?" John couldn't even move when Rodney fell forward to his knees. He seemed to linger there for a minute before simply falling forward.

John lurched forward to the ground next to him. He turned the scientist to his back. His shaking hand sought a pulse out of habit, but he could see that the blue eyes in front of him were faded and blank. "Rodney, oh, no." He pulled him onto his lap. Blood coated his arms, his legs, his hands. Rodney's blood. He'd just killed his best friend. He felt numb. So numb that when he heard the rapid fire of P-90s he didn't bother to move. When gentle hands took his face, moving it to look away from the physicist, he finally realized someone was saying his name.

"John, we must go, now." Teyla.

"I killed him." He started to laugh. If he'd only waited a little longer, Atlantis would have gotten them both out.

He heard Teyla's indrawn breath. "John, you must calm down. We cannot stay here or we will all be killed."

"If I had just waited, or gone with the guards..." John covered his face, letting the gun fall to the floor. He felt the blood on his skin and wanted to scream.

"Colonel, we have to go, NOW!" One of the marines he hadn't noticed was laying cover fire.

John reached an arm under Rodney's head. "Help me lift him."

"We have to leave him. I'm sorry." The marine met his eyes. "Sir, we have to move."

"We can't! Maybe Keller-"

"John, there is nothing that can be done! We did not come all this way to lose you both." Teyla took his arm. "Ronon will not be able to hold them off for long."

He followed blindly, allowing himself one last look behind. Not only had he killed his friend, he'd left him behind.

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Teyla and Ronon waited impatiently by the gate. They would be among those on the ground. Teyla looked up at Ronon. He had insisted that he was better suited to scouting and stealth than sitting in a jumper. Everyone agreed.

Teyla also had insisted that she also accompany the ground team. Her skills were not such that she would be of any use in the air. There had been a token argument, but Colonel Carter had agreed in the end.

Major Lorne was piloting one of the jumpers. The other was being flown by a marine she didn't know. In addition to the five marines on board each, there were four medics. The marines were determined, the medics edgy. She herself waited stoically for the wormhole to form. This was hell.

Sam watched from the dialing console. She again gave a mental apology to Hammond and Landry. Even Dr. Weir. She couldn't imagine what the woman had felt watching these people. She knew Elizabeth had cared for all her people here, but she'd held a special place in her heart for Sheppard's team. Sheppard and Rodney had been among those on the first expedition, and solid bonds had formed. Teyla had been the first native of this galaxy to accept and offer friendship. As for what Ronon had told her, well, she knew this team had a relationship beyond any she'd seen. She whispered, "Godspeed."

Sam watched the even horizon surge inward then recede. The teams went through, followed by the jumpers. When the wormhole disengaged, she let out a breath. She would wait here, with the rest.

Radek Zelenka hovered near Chuck, but stayed in the background. Rodney may have a very off-putting attitude, but everyone knew that if it were another team out there, he'd have worked around the clock to find something to help. He sometimes found himself shocked at the level of responsibility his department head felt for the people of the expedition. Some might say it was his ego that made him think he could do or fix anything, but Radek knew it was more than that. It wasn't a challenge to be overcome, or a way to show his brilliance. It was because he cared much more than he was willing to show- and he truly did believe himself to be the most likely man here to find the solutions. Radek would never allow anyone to hear him say it, but he sometimes thought Rodney was, as he liked to say, the smartest man in two galaxies.

Radek didn't really mind being second to Rodney in position. He was fine with being the second choice for solutions. He was second, yes, but he was second to the most amazing mind he'd ever seen. He hoped it stayed that way.

He saw Carter and Chuck waiting. He would wait as well.

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_A/N I know it's terrible to leave you hanging. I'm evil.  
_


	7. Chapter 7

The sounds of the infirmary intruded upon the blackness. John woke slowly. His sluggish mind tried to piece together how he got there. He could hear the beeping of monitors, heard the whoosh of a ventilator. The whispers of waiting friends. He rolled through what he remembered. A fist squeezed his heart. Rodney! He was dead.

"Ah, you're awake. We were wondering when you'd join us." Dr. Keller sounded too cheerful for his current state of mind. "Teyla and Mr. Dex have been getting worried." She asked him his name, rank and middle name. He told her where he was, who she was and where he was born. She helped him take a sip of water. It hurt.

"Sorry. You sustained some deep bruising to your neck, and you strained your vocal cords. It'll hurt for a while. Your back is probably sore, too." She was doing the post mission injury list. "Lucky for you the Ancient technology helped your knee. You'll need some physical therapy, but it should heal nicely. The burn you received to your chest was infected, but we put you on broad spectrum antibiotics and that cleared it up pretty fast. The scarring should be minimal. We gave you fluids since you were pretty dehydrated."

"We do need to know how you got most of your injuries. Can you remember what this did?" She held up a small black disc.

"No." He didn't care. He just wanted her to leave.

"Do you think you're up to any visitors? Maybe just one?"

"I'm tired." He closed his eyes. "I'll debrief later, if that's alright?"

"OK. I'll let you rest." She didn't leave though. She seemed to be waiting for something.

"Thank you."

"Um, OK." Still she hesitated. He waited. Was she going to suggest he see the new psychiatrist? "Well, then I'll be back later."

John wasn't surprised when Ronon appeared after she left. Apparently his being too tired to see anyone didn't apply to the Satedan.

"Hey." Ronon sat in the chair by the bed. "Good to see you awake."

"Yeah." He couldn't muster any feeling, though.

"Jennifer said you didn't ask about McKay." Ronon stared at him like he could see deep into his mind. He hated that look.

"Already know enough." Could he help his voice sounding bitter?

"So what'd he do?"

"What?" Rodney had_ died_. That's what he'd done. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"We figured you must be pissed at him for some reason."

"How can I be pissed at a dead man? Unless it's that he's dead." John felt the hitch in his chest right before he felt the tears in his eyes. He took a deep breath. "I shot him. They made me- I had to leave him there."

"Sheppard, he's not dead." Ronon stood. "Look." He pulled the privacy curtain back. There, hooked up to more machines than he thought the infirmary had, was Rodney.

John took a few seconds to understand. "We left him there. We left his body, I mean."

"No. I carried him myself." Ronon looked at him quizically.

"Get me over there." John's head was spinning, not only from the physical efforts, but from seeing Rodney right in front of him. It took some doing, moving iv's and unhooking the monitors. When the heart monitor started shrieking, Keller ran in. She started lecturing him until Ronon cut her off.

"He thinks he killed McKay. He's gotta see him." She pursed her lips, but nodded. Together they moved him to the side of the bed.

John studied Rodney. They had him on side, his back covered in bandages. The only color his skin had was the bright red on his cheeks and bruises. There was a patch of guaze on his forehead, and he had a black eye. More bandages were taped to his shoulders, chest and hands. He had several IV's, and was hooked up to all kinds of monitors and machines that John hadn't ever seen. "How?"

"We found our way to the prisons, blew your door and carried you out."

"That's wrong. I escaped. I was in the tunnels." John frowned.

"We found you locked in a room."

Ronon was nothing if not honest to a fault. If he said John hadn't escaped, hadn't been in the tunnels, then... he hadn't. "Was he shot?"

"No. He was beaten pretty badly. Bleeding everywhere. But not shot." Keller laid a gentle hand on his shoulder.

John deflated. Luckily the bigger man had shoved a chair behind him. "How bad is he?" There wasn't even a discussion of patient-doctor confidentiality. Not for this. He needed to know. He stretched his hand out and gently rested it by Rodney's still one.

"Well, his low blood sugar nearly had him in a coma, but we've gotten that under control. He had the same trauma to his neck and shoulders that you did. Um, his back was a lot worse than yours. In addition to the lacerations, he had some pretty deep and wide spread bruising."

A vague memory tickled. John knitted his brows. "They were stoning us." Ignoring the gasp from the doctor, he struggled to remember. "Rodney leaned over me. Rodney, you idiot! You aren't supposed to be a human shield!"

"OK, well, that explains a few things." Jennifer's eyes were kind. "We managed to avoid the pneumonia, but we did have to assist his kidneys a little. I was a little surprised that the Asgard on the Daedalus seems to like him. He did something so his face won't scar."

"How long till he wakes up?"

"I can't really give you more than a guess. A few days?" She smiled as she shrugged. It reassured him. "Now, I think you need to get back into the bed."

Everything suddenly hit him. They were home. He hadn't killed Rodney. He grinned as they helped him to his bed. He watched as some pain medication was added to his IV. It was bliss. He was home, he hadn't killed Rodney and now he got the good drugs. Wait. Oh! "That device? Did Radek check it out yet?"

"He has the one that was on Rodney, but I haven't heard anything back yet."

"I think it might have made me hallucinate. Maybe that's why I thought I killed him. Trial of Heart. Feeling true remorse, or something like that." He swallowed. He had another thought. "Did they lock that address out of the computer?"

Ronon smiled wolfishly. "Yeah, but I don't think they'll bother anyone anyway."

"Ronon, what did you do?"

"Nothing. But seems that just as we were leaving, a Wraith hive ship stopped in orbit." Ronon shrugged.

"So they were probably culled." John wasn't sure how he felt about that. Death by Wraith wasn't the most humane way to go. On the other hand...

Ronon leaned close to whisper in his ear, "Radek seems to think it was the wraith you call Todd and his hive."

John felt his eyebrows climb. "That's...a coincidence." Sneaky, really vengeful scientists. He was glad they liked him.

"Get some rest." Ronon walked towards the door. He paused there. "Glad you're back."

John smiled. He was pretty happy about that, too.

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When John woke next, he badgered Dr. Keller until she let him sit by Rodney for a while. Teyla and Ronon came to visit again, and Lorne stopped by to give him an update on off-world missions. It was almost like any other time that he'd bee stuck in the infirmary, with two exceptions. The first was that Rodney wasn't sitting by him, deafening him with complaints about, well, everything. The second was that Samantha Carter paid him a visit. He had a moment of anger, thinking that this was Elizabeth Weir's job, but he tamped it down. Elizabeth was gone, and this was Carter's job, now.

"So, Dr. Keller says both of you will be fine."

"Yeah."

"That's good. John, I have to ask. How did you ever pick Rodney to be on your team? I mean, he didn't have experience, he's rude and uncaring, and... I just wondered." Sam smiled.

John could see for a second why Rodney liked her, but he didn't think she was anywhere near as smart as his scientist. She might have more field experience, too, but to him, she lacked something that Rodney had: energy. She was more placid, more temperate. Rodney vibrated with energy, he was always moving. Carter seemed calm, collected. Able to hide what she thought. He didn't like that, either. But as a boss, she was fair, he guessed, and she wasn't holding Rodney's personality against him, so he could give her the benefit of the doubt. "It seemed the right thing to do at the time."

"I read the reports, and I really thought you'd made a huge mistake."

"Well, I didn't." John felt his hackles rise. It was one thing for him- or Teyla, or Ronon, hell for anyone who knew the truth- to tease McKay, it was another for someone else to talk about him that way. Yeah, he was rude, but he was smart. "And he's not uncaring, just bad at showing that he cares."

She held her hands in front of her. "Wow. I didn't mean that in a bad way." She sat and gave him a look. "Can I be honest? I feel like an outsider."

"Well, could be, in a way, you might be. Maybe." And if that wasn't tiptoeing, this was, "To some of the people- especially the ones who've been here for a few years- you kinda seem to belong to them."

"Them." She leaned forward. "You mean the SGC? Or Earth?"

John bit his lip. In for a penny, he thought. "Both? It's so different here. I mean, we dont' get to go home at night, this is it. And the Wraith, Replicators and nano-viruses kind of make you rely on people."

"And no one relies on me, yet." She seemed to think about it. "I don't think I'll ever be as good at this job as Dr. Weir."

"I don't think anyone could be." John was a little sad, at that.

"I'm a little homesick, too." Carter again smiled at him. "But, hey, once I settle in, this will be home. Right?"

John saw the uncertainty in her eyes. He didn't think she'd really ever feel at home here, but he said, "Sure."

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Sam sat in her room, trying to feel better for having talked to Colonel Sheppard. He sometimes reminded her of Jack, which made her miss home even more. It wasn't that he looked anything like him. But he had that something- an attitude, a way of keeping people distant. He was a good leader, just friendly enough with his soldiers to keep them comfortable, but not so much that they'd question his orders. But in that instant offense he'd taken when she'd said something about Rodney had told her lots of things.

Rodney was their genius. Not her. Rodney was their team-mate. She wasn't. She was a replacement for a woman they loved and respected. She wasn't the go-to girl here, she was... extra? No, that wasn't quite right. She couldn't put it into words. When an emergency arose, she wasn't called to the labs, or sent to gear up. She went to the control room. They called with updates, not for solutions. It was disheartening. And it made her feel totally alien. This wasn't her world. The members of this expedition, with only a few exceptions, wanted to be here not Earth. These people had made the Pegasus galaxy theirs, and she would either have to do the same, or go back.

She wondered, not for the first time, whether she'd ever understand these people. She hoped that with time, they would accept her, but she also hoped she'd be able to accept them.

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_A/N: One more to go! Thanks for the reviews! _


	8. Epilogue

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Two weeks later Rodney was released from the infirmary- to light duty. He was grateful to get out of there. Normally, he was more than happy to be the center of attention, but Sheppard was being really strange about it.

Rodney barely had to reach for something and he had it in his hand. He had a cloudy recollection of Sheppard yelling at Dr. Keller- yelling at her!- to increase Rodney's pain meds. It was really bizarre, but when he'd ask about it, Sheppard would just ignore the question and glare at him. He was being solicitous on the one hand, but seemed angry at him on the other. He was glad to be allowed some privacy- finally.

He opened his door to find that his room wasn't going to be as private and relaxing as he'd been looking forward to. For one thing, his spare laptop was gone. For another, Sheppard was napping in his bed. "Colonel, what are you doing in my room? And would you get your boots off my bed?"

"Hey, Rodney. Just wanted to make sure you settled in alright." He gave him that cocky grin. Sheppard seemed normal, but Rodney was still the smartest man in the universe. And he knew his friend pretty well.

"OK, I really haven't needed a nanny since I was five. What's going on?"

"Nothing. Just want to make sure you have everything you need." Sheppard swung his legs off the bed and stood. Rodney could see he was still moving slowly, and the discoloration around his neck hadn't faded much. But most of all, there was a shadow of sadness, of guilt under the anger in his eyes. OK, he always had that guilt thing, but it seemed more focused than normal.

"Hello? Not stupid, here. You've been hovering and-and doting!- since I woke up. Now tell me the truth." He crossed his arms over his chest, then winced at the pull on his back.

"Hey, you OK?" Sheppard was by his side in a second.

Rodney backed away. "You're scaring me. Seriously. Just tell me why you're acting like a pod person."

The soldier bit his lip. "Fine."

"Fine." He waited. "Well?"

"Well, you know, my job..." Sheppard trailed off.

"Yes, very good. You have a job. I know that." Rodney rolled his eyes.

"Alright! I should have been protecting you, not the other way around. And I shot you."

Rodney narrowed his eyes. "First, you barely knew what was going on. Second, that whole thing with you shooting me? That was what? Over a year ago? And you just now decide that you feel guilty about it?"

"No, I mean in that hallucination or virtual life thing."

"That was a directed virtual experience. You reacted within a set of parameters they programmed. They put you into REM sleep and input the code. More like a dream than anything else." Rodney sat on his bed. "So you shot me in your dream?"

"Yeah, and then I left your body."

"I was dead? You actually killed me?" Rodney lowered his head. He wanted to laugh, really he did. But he knew Sheppard would get defensive and leave. "Well, did you feel bad?"

"Geez, what kind of question is that? Of course I felt bad. I killed you!"

Rodney couldn't help it. Sometimes he astounded himself with how twisted he could be. But he was a scientist, and as a rule, scientists were curious... "Were you more upset that you killed me or that I was dead?"

"Both! You're my friend." Sheppard sat next to him on the bed.

"Well, then, it's fine." He finally let his snickers escape. The expression on that face! "Close your mouth. You look like an idiot."

"I'm having a serious discussion with you, and you're laughing. How do you expect me to look?"

He let himself laugh. "Did you just hear what you said?"

"Maybe I let it bother me too much. But you don't know how I felt. And you don't have to laugh about it." John's voice rose in an almost-whine.

"Did you even ask what my little nightmare was? No. I have an equally horrifying scene play out in my mind and you don't see me waiting on everyone hand and foot." Rodney wanted to take back the words as soon as he saw the gleam in Sheppard's eyes.

"So, then, tell me."

"No, no, we were talking about you."

"Come on. Just spill it." Sheppard bumped his shoulder. "You know mine, now tell me yours. Or do I have to tell everyone about the very cute boxers you had on?"

"That's so juvenile! I told you Jeannie gave them to me. I wouldn't have chosen- Fine. OK. I destroyed Atlantis and everyone in it. Except myself." There. "I ended up living on the kid planet."

"Hmm. So you killed me, too?"

"Weren't you listening? I killed everyone." Rodney looked at his hands. "So you don't need to feel guilty about shooting me in your nightmares. As for the other thing, well, I'm the first to admit that I hate pain. But you would have died _for real_ if I hadn't done what I did."

"And you almost did die." John grumbled. "That's not how it's supposed to be."

"Do you ever use your brain?" Rodney shifted, winced and shifted again. "Is anything how it's supposed to be? I mean, space vampires? Hello?"

"Still. I'm here to protect the civilians. You guys." John looked at him. "I'm the one whose job it is to die for...you... all."

"I cannot believe how well-adjusted I am compared to you." Rodney snorted. "You are really screwed up."

"I am not!"

"Oh, you are, Colonel, trust me. No one tries to die quite so frequently as you."

"It's my job!"

"Yeah, and guess what? I've been taking care of myself since I was 15. I have a deeply rooted sense of self-preservation." Rodney twirled his fingers. "And the idea that you are responsible for the decisions of other people is rather more egotistical than even I can be."

"That's not what I meant." Miserable hazel eyes looked at him.

"You are not any more expendable than I am. I can," Rodney cleared his throat, suddenly uncomfortable, "protect my friends, too."

"Uh, well. Next time-"

Rodney was already shaking his head. That was not something he was going to even consider. "No, do not say it. There will not be a next time."

"I won't then. But, well... Thanks." Sheppard stood up. "Now that we're even, I'm going to go get some sleep. You're pretty high maintenance for a guy." John's face showed something fleeting, like he'd had a revelation, but it was so fast that Rodney couldn't guess as to what it'd been.

Rodney blinked. "Wait a minute, how are we even? You killed me. You left me there! Oh, and let's not forget the alien who wanted to make me his sex slave! And I'm not high maintenance!" He yelled after Sheppard. "You owe me chocolate! Colonel, hey, wait!"

the end


	9. One more chapter for love

_A/N I wasn't sure if I was going to add this, but since you expressed interest... I went ahead and did it. Thanks so much for the reviews!_

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John spent the day in his room. He knew that between Teyla and Ronon, someone would be making sure Rodney was fine. They'd already been checking in on him throughout the morning. He wanted to think, so he claimed he needed some sleep. Teyla had smiled and patted his leg. Ronon had smirked as if he knew what he needed to think about.

His mind replayed his last sentence. High maintenance. Oh. When he'd said it, his mind had flashed through his last three girlfriends. God. Why was he associating his Rodney with them? He couldn't be thinking of him that way, could he? Yeah, he could, and did.

He tried to think of something else, but once the idea had popped into his head, it didn't seem to want to leave. Was that the real reason he was so screwed up about this? That basically he was thinking of Rodney as his girlfriend, er, boyfriend?

Even the whole, "I just realized that I'm not straight" thing wasn't much of an issue. He was open-minded, but had never thought he'd have to question his own sexuality. But again, this was Rodney he was thinking about, not just anyone. Rodney was more than gender. He was...he just was, that's all.

His mind traveled through various missions. He remembered being annoyed at Allina and how she'd been fawning over Rodney. The way he'd felt when Rodney had started dating Katie Brown. How he'd been ready to hate Carter just because McKay had a thing for her. He'd been affected in ways he couldn't express when he'd believed Rodney was dead.

Groaning, he told himself that he was just reacting to stress. That his weird need to take care of Rodney had been from guilt. That he wasn't angry because he'd thought he'd lost the scientist, but because he hadn't let John do his job. He didn't believe any of it. He cared more for Rodney than he should. More than he was allowed.

Of all the people here on Atlantis, why did it have to be Rodney? Teyla was beautiful, she was graceful. Hell, he'd have thought even Ronon would be more his style than someone like Rodney. Rodney wasn't a ferris wheel, or a fast car. He was more a porch swing, or a sedan. At least on the outside. On the inside? He was insecure, unsure how to show he cared. He wore teddy bear boxers because his sister gave them to him. He ate with an appetite that made John wonder what else he had an appetite for. OK, so maybe it wouldn't be bad to grow old with the porch swing rather than a ferris wheel. And he liked hanging out with Rodney, found him to be funny and easy to just be with. And, holy shit!

He was in love with his best friend. Rodney. Who, besides being straight, was not going to risk his place on Atlantis to have an affair with his team-mate. Being here was way too important to him. Not to mention the fact that if fate smiled and somehow the military allowed it, he sucked at relationships. He'd screw it up anyway. Wasn't it the height of comedic tragedy that he had fallen for the one person he really, really couldn't ever have?

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Rodney was worried. Sheppard had been avoiding him for the last two weeks. He knew it, even though the man's excuses seemed fine on the surface. He didn't stop by the labs, there weren't any team movie nights, and he was absent at most meals. When Rodney tried to talk to him after meetings, John rushed off to do paperwork, or meet with Lorne.

And surprisingly, he missed him. He was at a loss to describe it. Yes, he had multiple degrees, but none of them was in interpersonal relationships. And hell, if he was honest, he hadn't ever really needed to define how he felt about Sheppard. It just was the way it was. But now, the last few weeks, things had been different. He wasn't sure what he had done, but obviously, there was something.

And their fist mission off-world had been surreal. Of course the natives weren't friendly (when were they ever). They'd seen Rodney using the life-signs detector and believed them to be devils. When they'd started using slingshots- really, slingshots!- they'd run back to the gate. Rodney had, of course, been the only one hit, and Sheppard had practically tried to carry him through the gate. No matter that the small rock had hit him in head and there wasn't anything wrong with his legs. When they'd stopped in the infirmary, he'd been subjected to a furious Air Force Colonel.

"I can't believe you didn't duck!"

"It wasn't my fault that the first shot hit me!"

"No, it never is! You aren't supposed to be in the front, you're supposed to stay in the middle where I can protect you!"

"Colonel, I was following the energy readings. I can't stand in one place to do that."

"You're not supposed to wander off." Sheppard's teeth were clenched. "That's going to get you killed!"

Rodney was saved from further criticism by Ronon who pulled Sheppard off to shower and eat.

Later, after the mission briefing, he'd asked his other team-mates if they had any idea why Sheppard was so mad at him. Teyla had murmured something about needing to meditate, but Ronon had looked at him and said, "Ask him." He knew something. But Rodney knew him well enough to know he wouldn't tell.

So now, Rodney found himself outside Sheppard's quarters. He hesitated and took a deep breath. Why was he nervous? He hadn't done anything wrong, so he should be his normal pushy self. He opened the door.

It was dark, and he could make out Sheppard's form sitting on the side of the bed. Dejected was the word that came to mind. "Colonel?" He could see the flinch from here. "Hey, should I call Keller?"

"No." Even his voice lacked inflection.

Rodney walked over to stand in front of the colonel. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" He gingerly lowered himself to his knees in front of Sheppard.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to be alone." Again with the wooden voice. This was something serious.

"Sheppard, hey, uh, really? This sitting in the dark thing is creepy." Rodney tried humor. It fell flat.

"John..."

He was surprised when, with a little sob, the pilot leaned forward and laid his head on Rodney's shoulder. "You hardly ever call me John. Only Teyla and Elizabeth ever called me John."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to."

"No, it's... nice."

"Uh, is this some kind of thing where you feel disconnected from everyone, or something?" He was afraid to move.

"No."

"Um. Do I have to play twenty questions?" Rodney tentatively took one of the other man's hands. "I'm terrible at that. I never ask the right questions."

"I know. Ask me why I've been avoiding you." John's voice was a whisper.

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"Because for a while I thought you were dead."

"You're still not angst-y over that, are you? I mean really? You shot me for real that time, and you barely felt a twinge of sympathy, and when you do it in imaginary land, you get all depressed. That makes no sense." Despite the harshness of his words, he kept his voice soft. He was not good with people, but even he could see that Sheppard was almost...fragile.

"That was before..." Sheppard took a shuddering breath.

"Before what? Come on, Colonel, you have to give me something to work with. Better yet, give me permission to call Kate." Rodney was starting to panic. Especially when the hand Sheppard held was gripped tightly. Like you'd grip a rope when you're hanging over a cliff.

"Rodney...I care for people, some people, more than others."

"Yes, there are some people I like more, too." Rodney was now scared and confused. Sheppard didn't talk about his feelings. He was bad at it- even worse than Rodney. "Look, just spit it out. It can't be that bad, can it? Unless you're being weird because you decided that you wanted me dead. That would be bad. That's not it, is it?"

Sheppard let out a laugh at that, and hey, that was progress wasn't it? When the pilot raised his head and Rodney saw his face, he thought, _No, not so much better. _It looked like he'd been crying. Crying. No, this wasn't his area of skill. "Uh, I think I should call someone."

Sheppard surprised him by leaning forward again and wrapping his arms around him. Something like a sigh escaped and some of the tension eased. "Rodney. I can't do this. I...it's too hard."

"What's too hard?" Was the stress getting to him? Being responsible for the safety of this many people had to be a heart attack waiting to happen. "You know, you could delegate. You don't have to do everything. And maybe a short vacation would be a good idea."

"It's not the job. Well, partly. Can't you just drop this?"

"You're hugging me, Colonel. That's either a sign of a psychotic break or the end of all things." Rodney rested a hand on John's back, feeling a slight shudder. He pulled back, only to be squeezed tighter.

"I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Neither do I. To either of us."

"I don't want things to change. If I tell you what the problem is, they will. If I don't, I'll go crazy."

"OK, and sitting in the dark being emotional isn't already going crazy?"

"Rodney, you... mean a lot to me."

"Well, yes. Of course. I'm your scientist, after all." Rodney meant it as a joke, trying to lighten things. Obviously the other man didn't find it funny. Not at all. John growled, low and rough. He felt hands in his hair, a soft mouth kissing him desperately.

John kissed him in a way he'd never been kissed: tender and fierce, rough and caring all at once. Rodney let his lips part gently, and felt his lower lip gently sucked and the slide of a tongue. It didn't matter that he felt the roughness of barely-there stubble, or that the hands cupping his face were large and calloused. It was the most incredible thing he'd ever experienced.

John explored his mouth with his tongue and lips. His fingers moved from Rodney's head to the back of his neck They toyed with his hair. Rodney slowly moved his hands up John's arms to rest on his shoulders.

John was kissing him. Oh my god! And he was really enjoying it. He leaned into it, and realized that he was kneeling between John's legs. He was suddenly so turned on that he moaned. John's hands were touching him, touching his shoulders, his back, his chest. It was too much. He jerked away, landing on his butt on the floor.

He stared up at John, panting a little. "Uh, what- what is this?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that." John was panting, too, his hands fisted on the bed next to him. Rodney could see he had an erection, and wow. He dragged his eyes back to John's face, seeing the eyes darken and narrow. "This is why I'm acting like this."

"Because you- what, suddenly you're gay?"

"Not exactly. I just." Sheppard stopped. Rodney understood.

"Oh. Well, this is so totally unexpected that, well, I don't know."

"I don't want this to affect the team. That's why I wanted to be away from you. To get things under control."

"Hmm." Rodney licked his lips.

"What?"

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because it's inappropriate, against regs, you're on my team. And you're not into men."

"OK, first? I'm not American, and we're way out in another galaxy. Did you know that there are at least a dozen gay couples in Atlantis? And seven of them are marines. Oh, and being on the same team shouldn't be an issue. It's not like we all only had a professional relationship to begin with, or didn't you consider that we're all closer than that, already?" As he said it, he realized how true it was. There was no one in his world quite as important as John was. Rodney drew a breath. "I haven't ever had sex with a man, but I obviously don't have a problem with you."

Sheppard opened and closed his mouth several times before saying anything. "I just, well, what happens when I screw up?"

"Oh. Why do you assume that you'll screw it up? I mean, to be perfectly honest, I'm probably worse at relationships than you." Rodney swallowed. "Although we do pretty well at the friendship thing, don't we?"

John looked at him. His face lightened. "Yeah. I think so."

"So maybe we can keep doing that, and just add the other stuff to it. Not all at one time, but just a little at a time."

"OK." John let out a breath. "I just, well, we have to be able to work together."

"Absolutely. I wouldn't want to risk losing the team. So, uh, this is good then?" Rodney couldn't believe he'd just agreed to start seeing Sheppard. No, that was wrong. He'd just agreed to admitting that they were seeing each other. Huh.

John smiled. "It's good. And just remember, the next time we're off-world? You're my scientist."


End file.
